Friday, 11 August 2017

The musician aka Mr Angst *possible trigger warning*

I think it's ironic me calling someone emotionally unstable but I really hit the nail on the head this time. We met on one dating site or another and had clicked quickly. We quickly ended up in a routine in which I would go to his place after he finished work and pick up alcohol and food and make my way out into the 'burbs (about a 30ish min train ride). We'll call him Mr Angst.

We'd drink and he'd get emotional about his ex girlfriend and then take it out on me sexually. A few times he got so drunk he passed out in his bathroom and I left him there and slept in his bed. It was hard to get him to do anything I wanted to do in the city unless it involved drinking and even that was rare. So me being naive and a thirsty bitch (because he was great in bed) I let this go on from March until May. I assumed we were dating as we were exclusive and spent most nights together.

All of a sudden he starts getting weird with me, he wants me to come over still but there is no sex. I begin to suspect there is someone else and he doesn't have the balls to tell me there was someone else, a common theme in my life sadly. Anyway we decided that we were gonna spend some time apart and that we would just text and the such after a rough night out where he had screamed at me.

His friend and I had decided to go dance the night away at a certain club known locally as 'the fuck hut' as he isn't happy with the way he was treating me and the fact I had to call
him at 4 in the morning one time to talk Mr Angst down because he threw a hissy fit of epic proportions because I'd scored us free Alkaline Trio tickets and they played a song that reminded him of his ex...

I digress, so at The Fuck Hut the drinks are flowing, we're getting our buzz on and dancing and I stop dead. Who shows up but Mr Angst, Non-Binary (the person I suspected he was screwing around with and another female friend I sort of got on with, he walks over and gets pissy I was there with HIS friend and he was blackout drunk I asked if I could come back with them all and talk it over as the middle of Philadelphia isn't really ideal. The least drunk of us drove back and he laid in the back with me head on my lap. We get back to his place and me and him go into his room and he begins SCREAMING at me, and throwing stuff. He goes off in a huff to smoke and leaves me on his bed in tears with no idea what I had done, and Non-Binary comes into talk to me as is so condescending I had to hold it together as I was going to hit them, I asked if they were fucking and they said no and never would (huge lie) and I start to get irate as she gave me a bump of (my own I'd left there for me and Mr Angst) cocaine... and I lost it, I went to the kitchen pulled out a HUGE sharp knife and asked Mr Angst if he wanted to see how much he had hurt me, while everyone else freaked out and tried to get me to calm down. 

He said I was worthless and he didn't care and before the words left his mouth i had slashed deeply into my thigh and he screamed at me to get out, at 5 in the morning to wait 2 hours for the train home or a $45 cab ride when I only had a $20 on me and no bank card as I never took it out, his friend I originally went out with walked me to the train station a block away and left me. I was bleeding profusely and became short of breath with a rapid heartbeat and remembered there was a fire-station just behind the train station so I wobbled my way there knocked on the side door and passed out.

I was awoken by a fireman asking my name and being shocked I was English he was dressing my leg and told me he called an ambulance as my pulse was racing and I was still struggling to breathe. I was loaded in and went to a small local hospital where I was the only emergency room patient. The whole time I was calling Mr Angst and everyone to no avail, I left messages and I finally received a reply saying, " we know, we saw from the apartment". I was dressed up and slept a few hours after I was sedated to slow my breathing and put in a cab, I asked him to take my to the rail station as I only had $20 on me and I wasn't really sure where I was and my phone was dead, the taxi driver insisted on driving me ALL the way home, the fare was $65 and he wouldn't accept the $20 I wanted to give him, instead asking me to donate it to a church and I did. I donated it to the shrine of Saint Rita while asking for thanks for that taxi driver who showed kindness is still alive.

A week later Mr Angst texts me, saying am I going over.... I did.

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