A beginning

Lets start this where all stories begin; the beginning. It's August 30th 2014. I am (unhappily) married. That's not what this is about. it's about the man I met that changed it all. 

A normal night out I thought, nothing new here. Had a dance and a few drinks with friends. Then I saw him; I don't know why I was so drawn to him. It was like a bullet to the brain (in the long run this would have been way kinder) CS (common sense; what I have dubbed my best friend) notices me staring wide eyed and almost drooling at him. I am transfixed. All rationale and sense leaves me as I walk over to him as he chats with a mutual friend (my in to the conversation) I introduce myself and he looks me up and down. I smile that smile (the I want you smile)...

I should mention at this point I had previously worked as a professional domme. I made men feel weak and pathetic and relished in my control over them. This became irrelevant when I spoke to him, I felt I had no control of him. I kept up the bravado and he joked he would 'break the domme'. How right he was.

...Back to the story. We chat and he offers to buy me a drink, we drink the same thing. Vodka lemonade. The chemistry between is palpable. We dance, Billy Idol 'Rebel Yell' comes on. The line 'she cries more, more, more' causes him to grin this salacious, predatory grin. We conversed more and I told him I was married etc. "It's ok" he replies. "So am I, though I am separated. She lives in Philadelphia with my kids"... I was shocked at this revelation. I wanted him for myself. I wanted to devour everything about him. In my eyes and in my drunken haze he was perfect.

The night begins to close down and invited to an after party he says he will meet me there as he is going to pick up some weed. I don't like this idea of him leaving as I think he won't show and I didn't want to leave his side. Somehow I end up going with him. To this dingy place where he sometimes sleeps to escape his mother and people in general. I had drank a LOT by this point and needed to be sick. By God I was, congealed Jagermeister flowed from my mouth like the fires of hell but clarity came back to me and I began to panic. "Where the fuck am I and what am I doing with this man?!" I screamed to myself. But as he gave me water and rubbed my back all that original feeling came flooding back. I ate some gum and sheepishly apologised. We smoked a couple of joints and he said he we weren't going back to this party, he was going to look after me. I said "Okay."

We arrive at his place in an affluent area of Sheffield. He lives with his mother who is away for work. He runs me a bath with candles and I begin to wonder if he was gay. No man had ever done this for me and it seemed a bit much just to get me into bed. I bathed and returned to his room and we chatted and smoked more. I told him nothing would happen until I was sure I could be completely responsible for my actions. He puts on an album by 'The Knife' and Iament it reminds me of my uni days. Our eyes meet and we kiss. All sense of guilt I expect to feel never materialises only pure lust. It was some of the most passionate sex I ever had. 

The next morning I had to go home but he promised he would call and wanted to see me again. I prayed he would but wished in hindsight he never did. This carries on illicitly for a month or so before I tell my husband and we split. Husband moves out and he moves in. He asks me to come with him to Philly in October. I think it's too rash but don't want him to go without me as I know i'd never see him again, and that scared me. I had fallen irrevocably in love. He agrees to stay until December to test the relationship and give me time to sort out my affairs (hah) before moving to another continent to start a new life.

We book tickets for the 10th December 2014 To New York JFK with a hotel overnight and a bus to Philly the following day; where he would go see his kids and we would go meet a potential landlord I had spoken to on Craigslist. I was nervous as hell having nowhere to live before heading out but I had faith he would look after me.

We get to Philly and I sense a change in him almost immediately. He wasn't carefree anymore and began to drink heavily. We ended up moving in with the guy from Craigslist and his nine cats. We clicked instantly. I could tell he didn't approve of Jonny but he loved me and since I would be around more took a chance on me. 

Everything was perfect until around the end of January when he drops the 'I need space' bomb. I panicked. New country where I didn't know many people... I prayed he was just adjusting to having a girlfriend and looking after his kids and was stressed. He stopped staying over and the sex stopped. One day he just never came home. He vanished. He became 'DC (dream crusher).

My mother when she was alive often imparted useless wisdom. I decided to take her philosophy of 'The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else' that is what I did and this is what will follow in future posts. Names and places will be changed.

DC broke my heart. I still love him. I think I always will. I miss him and wish him well, we had such a connection because we were so similar and one day I hope we can reconnect as friends. What follows is a collection of escapades from my adventures in America; the land of opportunity.