The Boy Next Door pt 2 - NSFW

 Ah, remember the boy next door? I’d spend my days working or seeing friends and the nights I’d spend with him. The summer heat in Philly is quite brutal for my delicate British senses so I’d often be in just underwear or naked, nine times out of ten when he came home from work I’d have fallen asleep. This time we had the house to ourselves for a few days as the others were away visiting family. 

It was a warm August evening, we’d sat out in the yard drinking Prosecco and inevitably we got a bit frisky. 

The Leather Belt

Back to Philadelphia before He and I split. At this point I'd fully lost any trace of being dominant, I was this bratty sub and I kind of loved it. He would go babysit his kids from them finishing school around 3pm till around 11pm when He'd come home, I didn't mind the time apart. I'd often go explore or meet up with friends and day drink. He always made it apparent I was welcome but I didn't feel comfortable being in His exes house. I felt like I was stepping on her toes, so I stayed away.

It gets to around 10pm and I'd just had a couple of cocktails with one of my friends and was getting the train home when I text Him saying I was headed back and feeling naughty. It happened to coincide with one of the nights my landlord would be out until around 4am. I got home and set the scene, candles, rope, lingerie and music. I made sure I was laid on the bed suggestively when I heard the latch of the front door opening. Playtime....

He used to wear these black jeans, a black t-shirt, and a leather belt combo. He was basically the JD to my Veronica, He wanted to watch the world burn and I wanted to save him. For some reason the way He quickly used to pull his belt off made my stomach flutter, I was into spanking and I liked it hard. So He comes in, sees me half naked and smiles His coquettish smile. His libido was practically insatiable. I jokingly told him to strip for me, and as the song 'sexy boy' by Air came on He started comically swaying his hips and it made me burst out laughing, and as quick as lightning his expression changed... the hunter had set His eyes on his prey. His shirt came off, and I bit my lip. Then the belt, oh my God, that fucking belt. 

He told to me lay face down on the bed with a pillow under my hips and He lightly bound my wrists behind my back, I was already incredibly turned on and He hadn't even touched me yet. "Do you know why I'm going to spank you?" He whispered into my ear... I knew it was for laughing but I wasn't feeling being compliant. He pulled off my underwear in one swift move and a sharp pain suddenly hit my right ass cheek where his hand made perfect contact. I moaned slightly and giggled. I could sense his arousal, His jeans were still on and through my slight view I could see the bulge of His cock. Quite often He would go commando and today was one of those days, His jeans had slipped slightly and revealed His hip bones and the dip of skin which led down to His cock.

Two more spanks reined down on my ass and again the same reaction. Suddenly He straddled me, and got the belt, I figured He was going to make me bite down on it which is something I had fantasized about while He spanked me hard. But no, He asked me if I could handle it and I said yes knowing what was about to happen. He cracked the belt between his hands and just the sound of it made me wet. He leaned over me and kissed my cheek, neck and slowly down my back to where my wrists were bound, I could feel his erection through his jeans.

He started off gently, easily more than I could take. The bite of the leather and the beautiful sting it left briefly were ecstasy for me, then next one was harder but still easily bearable. I moaned a little louder this time, squirming slightly. "When are you actually going to spank me?" I teased, He kissed me and put the belt in my mouth to bite down on. I wasn't sure what was happening, He walked over to the closet and pulled out the studded belt. "Think you could handle...this?" I thought about it for a second and nodded my consent. I was soaking at this point, this was really going to leave a mark and my body was aching for it.

Again He started off lightly, I winced but it felt amazing. In between spanks he would rub my ass cheeks and up and down my spine to heighten the sensation. He kept spanking me and I could feel the delicious welts it left, my moans were increasing in volume and intensity every time the leather made contact with my skin.

He stopped and jokingly bit my ass, before gently kissing all over. Moving over my skin up to my neck, where he gently nibbled while I felt his knee gently part my legs and His hand move between my legs. "Well someone enjoyed that" He whispered, before deftly moved His fingers inside me. I took a sharp intake of breath, shocked at how easily He had entered me. The sensation was incredible. He felt the wetness and brought His fingers up to my mouth for me to suck. I heard Him unbutton his jeans and lower the zip. He pulled out his rock hard cock and began slowly rubbing up and down my pussy before entering me. His left hand went around my throat and he used his right to prop himself up, the pillow positioned perfectly to hit that sweet spot and I soon found myself fast approaching orgasm. His hand tightened around my throat, my hands clenched behind my back and I came, hard and  for seemingly  forever waves of pleasure passed through me as the sensation of His cock inside me and the welts on my ass combined into to pure bliss. 

He began to speed up and thrust harder almost with a sense of urgency, He bit into my shoulder as He came hard, I could feel every pulse of Him inside me. He softly kissed my shoulder and began to untie me. He flipped me over and kissed me and I got up and walked over to the full length closet mirror to admire His handiwork. Perfect red lines marred my ass and feint red marks around my wrists from where I was bound, I grinned. He walked over to me and kissed me again before rubbing a balm into my skin. He was always big on aftercare and it made the experience even more for me. Seeing Him switch from dominant apex predator to soft and caring.

I put my robe on and we had our customary post fuck smoke and got in bed where I lay my head on His chest and He put his arm around me, where I quickly slipped into a blissful slumber. 

The Belt became a regular feature after that night.

The accidental threesome- NFSW

 Ah university, the first chance of freedom for many, myself included. This was in second year of uni if memory serves. I’d just been dumped by a boyfriend and was pretty sure I had been replaced with some vapid artsy type. My friends had convinced me to try and forget it and we made plans to head to the Wednesday night rock club; we’ll call it the loft. I donned my gladrags, a dress and my signature of fishnets with big boots. We headed out the door determined to have a good time.

Several drinks and dancing later a guy I had a crush on walks in with his friends, we had mutual friends so we knew who each other was but hadn’t really spoken one on one before. I spy them head to the bar and decide I needed another drink, the bartender and manager was a good friend noticed my sly smile and asked what I was up to to which I replied, “getting over someone by getting under someone else”. He shook his head and grinned and offered me a bottle of Sambuca, “you’ll need this then”, I nodded and he handed me a basket with shot glasses in. Being a decently attractive 19 year old goth girl I often worked as a ‘shot wench’ giving out free shots to get the party atmosphere going. 

I headed around the club giving out shots and chatting with the clientele and having a cheeky dance. I saved the guy I fancied who we will call TB for last as I was planning on segueing into a conversation after the shots. A mutual friend greeted me and introduced me to the group, TB smiling shyly at me. The usual banter and “I’ll have a shot if you do” later I’m pretty buzzed and feeling confident. TB’s friends were dancing and he was sat alone on a couch so I decided this was the time to make my move. We chatted for a bit, he had just been dumped by his girlfriend for some ‘nerdy type’ so we traded terrible ex stories. He offers to buy me a drink and I accept gladly, one drink turns into several and were sat giggling and flirting, his friends come over and join us and there isn’t enough room so he pulls me onto his lap to make room. Our eyes lock and we start kissing, his friends tease us and laugh along with us. His best friend BF slid a hand onto my thigh while I’m kissing TB and I think to myself he must not realise where his hand is, as TB slides his hand on top on BF’s I realise what is going on. 

 I stop kissing TB and give him an enquiring look and he smiles, “I, uhh. I’ve always wanted a threesome” he blurts out, his bluntness taking me by surprise. I had heard on the grapevine he was bisexual but I hadn’t put two and two together yet. “Fuck it, you only live once!” I say and we agree to go back to their place. The taxi ride back was fraught with sexual tension, I was kissing BF, while FB kissed BF’s neck. It was hot, and the taxi windows soon steamed up. We get to their place a few minutes later and I excuse myself to the bathroom to give myself a pep talk. I go back downstairs to TB’s room and he and FB are both topless on his bed kissing. They notice me walk in and tap the bed next to them. I take my boots off and go join them. Our bodies were entwined, lips kissing lips, necks, stomachs, thighs and it was really starting to turn me on. I unzip my dress and reveal the red matching underwear I was wearing, the guys follow suit and take off their jeans.

TB playfully spanks me while I’m bent over BF’s knee. My squeal of delight encourages him and he spanks me harder. I grab BF’s cock and begin rubbing my hand up and down the length. I feel TB bite my ass and pull my underwear off before exploring me with his fingers, I can tell they are kissing each other and I am really aroused. I playfully lick the tip of BF’s rock hard cock and he moans softly, TB flips me onto my back and kisses down my torso and thighs before softly licking my clit. I begin fully sucking BF’s cock and his hand rests on TB’s head encouraging to devour me with his tongue. His fingers gently enter me and I am close to orgasm, I’m deep throating BF and TB stops and kisses BF passionately. BF grabs hold of TB’s cock and I lean back and start to touch myself, he licks his lips and starts sucking his cock. 

I am slightly paranoid I’m dreaming at this point because it’s so erotic. I decide join BF playing with TB’s cock, everyone is writing around and in one swift movement, TB pulls me up onto his lap and onto his cock. BF caresses my breasts from behind and they boys kiss. Within minutes I begin to orgasm hard, before getting a breather BF lays me onto my back and starts fucking me while kneeling up, TB positions his cock so I can take him into my mouth while being fucked. Again I am close to orgasm as is TB, I pick up the pace and cums in my mouth and I swollow. Seeing this send BF over the edge and he pulls out and cums over my breasts. We fall into a pile and fall asleep quickly.

The next morning TB walks me home and we bump into my ex with his ex and we burst out laughing. I heard her mumble about me doing the walk of shame and I walk past her a little turn round and scream “it’s a stride of pride bitch!”.

Tinder date 2.0: a real American adventure- NSFW

Ah internet dating. Just after the breakup with 'him', I figured as I didn't know many people I would dip my toes into the murky waters of tinder. This event takes place before the original tinder date story. It was February time as it was snowy and absolutely baltic, quite literally as the temperature was -10°c.

I had been scrolling aimlessly on Tinder one evening and come across someone who took my fancy, he was 20 (at the time I myself was 27 and didn't really care about age so much) a college student nearby studying Chemistry. He told me he was in a fraternity and I was intrigued in this as we don't typically use the Greek system in the UK. He tells me the frat name proudly like I'm supposed to have heard of them and I tell him about my university time. (I should mention here I completely forgot the legal drinking age was 21 as it didn't effect me, this will come into play later on.) We arrange to meet one Thursday at a bar we'll call 'Inked mother', a bar I had heard good things about but hadn't visited yet. 

Thursday evening rolls round, I dress warmly and head out the door deciding on the subway as it would be warmer. I find my way to the bar and he is outside and greets me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He looks exactly like his picture which is refreshing and reassuring, he is chiselled with dark hair and glassy blue eyes. I've always had a weakness for dark hair and blue eyes. We'll call him frat boy or FB. We sit at the bar and I order a soda and he does too. Conversation flows easily and we make light of the differences between Philly and the UK.

I decide I feel comfortable and order myself a cocktail and ask if he wanted one too, he agrees and has a strange grin on his face which confuses me slightly. After he finishes said cocktail he whispers in my ear he was only 20 and that he couldn't legally drink yet. I don't quite know how to react but he tells me he and his frat brothers drink 'loads all the time' and that he could easily drink me under the table. I rebuff that I doubt it and that cheeky grin makes a reappearance. 

It's getting late and the subway would be closing soon and I mention this he immediately asks if I want to go to a frat party with him and the house and I am curious and agree. He takes hold of my hand and we walk to the subway to head north to the uni campus. It starts to snow and he stops dead in the path and kisses me out of nowhere. I'm a little taken aback and stumble slightly and he takes this as a cue to 'romantically' push me against a wall and kiss me. He's not a terrible kisser but not great and I begin to suspect he hasn't has much experience with women.

We get the subway and walk the few blocks to the frat house and it's exactly how it looks in the movies. The frat name on the house and guys with varsity jackets on. We go inside and a guy walks right up to FB and bro hugs him and asks if I am his tinder date, I reply that I am and the room goes silent. Apparently English people don't go to frat parties and I am bombarded with questions. Someone brings me a drink and I sit on a couch while being introduced to everyone. There were some sorority girls there who came over to talk to me asking me again if I was FB's date and where we had been. Someone pipes up that they are out of booze and they needed someone to do a beer run. The room quietens and looks at me, being I was of age I could legally buy them alcohol but I didn't feel comfortable and said that whoever got them the beer before should go because I didn't know the area and played the defenceless woman card.

The cavalry arrives with the alcohol and again the party picks up. My date asks if I smoke to which I replied I did and he asks if I would like to go somewhere a little quieter. I agree sensing he wanted me alone to have his way with me and me being a little buzzed I agreed. He takes me to his room and its stunning, all wood and dark with the centrepiece being a four poster bed. We sit on the bed and he brings over a tin with a few blunts in and we sit back and smoke. He puts his hand on my thigh and moves my dress up and then leans in for a kiss. Somehow he has gotten infinitely better at kissing and we make out for what seems like forever, somehow in my head this is some corny coming of age movie where the jock makes a bet with his friends to pull the artsy goth type. 

His hand reaches further up my thigh and I get a familiar twinge of longing. My hands run through his hair as I pull him closer into me, his other hand moves up to my breasts. He takes his shirt off and am pleasantly surprised at how sculpted he was. I follow suit and pull my dress over my head revealing the  matching black lace underwear I was wearing, I was wearing tights because it was so cold and tried to take them off with little ceremony. I walk up to the bed and straddle FB, bending forward to kiss him while my fingers traced his collarbone. I can tell he is hard though his jeans when suddenly he flips me onto my back and begins kissing down my torso. He pulls my bra down revealing my breasts and hard nipples which he playfully twists. FB kisses down to the waistband of my lace panties, he moves his arms under my thighs and continues kissing over my panties. He starts teasing with soft licks over my clit which causes me to arch my back in pleasure. In one single swift move he pulls my panties off and kisses softly before devouring me, any thoughts I had about him being inexperienced were quickly forgotten.

He traces my clit with his finger before inserting it into me, the combination of his fingers and tongue were rapidly taking me to orgasm, he stops briefly and pulls up to kiss me. I quickly undo his belt and jeans and he removes them, he kisses my breasts and bites my nipples before moving back down to my pussy. In no time at all I begin to orgasm, he hungrily laps up my pussy while I arch and writhe around. We kiss and I can taste my sweetness on his lips, while my hand runs up and down the length of his cock. He is average sized but had girth, I kissed down his torso as he had done to mine and playfully lick the tip of his erect cock. I lick my lips and spit on him before taking him into my mouth, he moans and lays back. His hand reaches to the back of my head and grabs a handful of hair, I take all of him into my mouth and grab the base with my hand and stroke up and down while still sucking. His other hand comes up to the back of my head and I allow him to facefuck me. His moans are turning me on more and more and I can sense he is getting close to orgasm. 

I stop and go get a condom from my bag, and put it on with my mouth, a trick a friend taught me years back. I sit on him and ease his hard cock into my soaking pussy. He feels amazing, and I begin grinding back and forth, his hands on my hips helping me keep rhythm. Quickly I can feel getting close to cumming, he senses this and starts rubbing my clit with his thumb. I grab the headboard of his bed for support as a violent orgasm tears through my body. He flips me over so he is on top of me and passionately kisses me as he slips back into me. I move my legs up and wrap around his hips, he sits back on his knees so he can watch his cock disappear into me. Our moans fill the room and he lays back down onto me and increases his speed, faster and deeper and I can tell he is going to cum soon. We kiss as he explodes into me. FB falls back next to me on the bed and softly kisses me on the forehead.

It's late, and I decide I should probably get the night bus back home, I got dressed and he walks me to the bus stop and waits with me. I get home and roll into bed with a smile on my face. My phone lights up with a text and its FB asking for a second date. I reply with a yes and roll back into bed. Out of curiosity I ask him how many women he had slept with, I get a reply. "You were the second". 

We arrange a date for the following week.

The guitar hero incident- NSFW

 

It's been a while since I gave this blog some love and I want to get back into it. Here is now one of my fondest memories, it. happened when I was still in uni around 2008-2009. As usual the names and places have been changed to protect the not so innocent.

It was a balmy May's evening and I had planned to go to my usual Friday night haunt at the time, 'Cipher'. A few of my uni buddies were there including someone I had a prior FWB deal with. The night was in full swing, dancing and drinking. I worked at the club selling shots to people, and usually people bought me one as well as themselves, so I was pretty merry. Now Cipher had two rooms, the main room with a bar and the music and a second smaller room with seating. A chill out room if you will. This smaller room had Guitar Hero set up and it was always busy. My eye caught a female friend of mine whom I had a crush on but assumed she wasn't into girls. We'll call her Birdie. She was playing Guitar Hero against someone I didn't recognise and was thrashing them. FWB was watching her and chatting to me about one halloween we hooked up in costume and how the stride of pride (walk of shame) was hilarious.

FWB and I do some shots and flirt, I'm sensing he's trying to hint at rekindling the prior arrangement. I excuse myself and go to the bathroom to freshen up and touch up my make-up. Birdie comes into the bathroom and asks if she can talk to me, I assume it's something to do with the uni society we are both members of so we sit on the sofa by the bathrooms. She's quiet at first but is making intense eye contact and scooching closer to me, she places her hand softly on my thigh and I look at her with a quizzical expression. She was shy and couldn't articulate her thoughts and suddenly she blurts out "I like you, like like you." I smile, taken aback by her confession. We look eyes again and we share a soft yet passionate kiss. Right on cue FWB turns the corner en route to the bathroom and stops dead. "Erhhhh what's this then?" or words to that effect...

...The unfolding situation was both surprising and amusing. FWB and Birdie just looked at each other and I tried but failed to communicate words. Though I hadn't agreed to go back with FWB he was understandably miffed. Birdies hand never moved from my thigh, and FWB eyes never broke my gaze. Before anyone could say anything a voice pops up from behind FWB, "come on FWB you're up on guitar hero..." his mouth curled into a smug grin and he jokingly suggests 'fighting for my hand'. I laugh at the idea, but was thankful for the break in the tension. Before I could say anything Birdie replies "okay, you're on. Let's pick the hardest song on expert." I am stunned that this is even happening. In my head I was trying to pick who I wanted to win, and who was the better Guitar Hero player, I surmised they were pretty evenly matched. "Do I not get a say in this?" I added, they both in unison replied with "no, not really" smiling.

I was debating just suggesting a threesome and killing two metaphorical birds with one stone. But secretly I didn't want to share Birdie with anyone. They began playing and it's pretty even until FWB missed a key, Birdie took the win and the room clapped at her impressive victory. She walks over to me and kisses me. I blush, and turn to FWB who was clapping. Even though it was a joke, FWB knew I was into Birdie as I'd told him before. I was happy she'd won my 'hand'. We say our goodbyes and get into a taxi to her place.

She tells me her roommates don't know she is gay and that we have to be quiet, I was a little sad but understanding. We sneak to her room and I undress down to my underwear and she puts on an oversize t-shirt. We begin kissing, much more intensely than in the club. Her hands wander down to my breasts and she begins caressing them over my bra. I take this as a signal to remove it and she begins to kiss down to my neck until she reaches the soft skin of my bosom. I was already aroused and as my nipples hardened she began gently nibbling them and I let out a soft moan. I always liked lingerie and unless I was on my period I always wore a matching set, I remember I was wearing a black lace bra with matching black lace and silk panties.

The kissing intensifies and I reach my hands under her shirt to touch her, she quickly pins my hands above my head and kisses me hard and gently bites my lower lip. She kisses down my neck and breasts again moving down my stomach to my hips where again she gently bites. By this point I am very obviously aroused, my nipples are hard and I can feel I am wet. She trails a hand up my inner thigh and skirts past my panties. I am desperate for her to touch me, I want release. "Do you want me to touch you?" she whispers and I moan a soft yes. She parts my legs with hers and and again trails me with kisses. My breathing intensifies in anticipation, and I feel her fingers softly trace the lines of my underwear. "Mmmmm someones excited" she gasps and I blush. In one swift motion she pulls off my panties. Her fingers retrace where my panties once were and I again moan softly.

She knows exactly how to touch me and it's not long before I can feel myself being close to orgasm. She puts a hand over my mouth and continues touching me, slowly increasing the speed until she feels me tremble beneath her. She smiles and before I can move begins kissing me above where her fingers were. Her fingers brush my lips and I suck them while staring into her eyes. My God she's amazing with her mouth, teasing my clit with her tongue. The tell tale arch of my back indicates the impending orgasm, her kissing intensifies and right as she feels me start to orgasm she uses her fingers. The most intense orgasm flows through my body and I am left breathless. We kiss more and I want to taste and touch her, but she doesn't want me to, I am a little miffed but understanding. Some people get off on getting others off, and she was one of them. We curl up and I rest my head on her shoulder, we drift off into a deep sleep while enveloped in each other.

I awake the next morning and she is softly stroking my hair, I kiss her on the cheek and get up. I don't want things to be awkward and her room-mates see me so I gather my clothes and quickly dress. I call a taxi and wait outside, I decide to have a smoke and check my phone. FWB had messaged me jokingly suggesting a rematched with the tongue out emoji, he also asked how it was and I replied "a lady never tells" he replied instantly "You're not a lady". My cab comes and the journey takes less than five minutes, I climb into bed with a smile on my face.

The boy next door, literally. NSFW

Ah Philadelphia, what a hold you have over me. I returned September of 2016 for my birthday and a general catch up and holiday. I returned to stay with my old landlord and my kitties who I had honestly missed more than any person.

I arrive and am greeted with a sign and hugs from a dear friend who drove me into Philly until my landlord finished work, I was greeted with pure love and hugs and we caught up and I fell into a deep sleep in my small room, the next day hearing a key in the lock I shout down to who I thought was my landlord and was greeted with a stranger, I was told there was another roommate but I probably wouldn't see him, I explained who I was and we got chatting and ended up deciding on going to pick up some beers from the grocery place maybe 20 blocks away.

 We chatted the whole way, I explained about my original heartbreak and he told me his girlfriend cheated on him with the female babysitter and they were split up, this made me secretly happy as I was very much attracted to him and he seemed to be to me, we get back and as it's a nice night sit out back chatting and flirting him finding me on tinder and sending me cute, flirty messages whenever he went to get another beer or to the bathroom. The flirting got real and he asked if I wanted to go to this room and watch a movie and I said sure, I changed into a negligee and thigh high socks and he was laid in pj pants topless. He motioned for me to lay on him and I snuggled into him just as my landlord walked past and gave me the 'don't you dare' joking look. We watched some TV and we started to fool around and I said I didn't want to fuck the first night I knew him and he was seriously teasing me, pushing all the right buttons.

I checked my phone as a message flashed up and noticed it was after midnight and coyly mentioned this and he said "oh no, you said not on the first night and I'm not going to fuck you" instead driving me wild by kissing my thighs, not removing my panties and kissing over them, kissing and biting my nipples and kissing me so passionately. He said he had to go to sleep as he had work early and I said we should go for drinks tomorrow evening and then we'd have the house to ourselves. He agrees and pulls me into a hug, spooning me expecting me to sleep next to him but I said I wasn't tired and went to my room so as not to disturb him, when in reality I needed to masturbate because I was so turned on. I text him this and he replies with "you're going to be trouble, but you are in trouble tomorrow".

Tomorrow rolls around and I spend most of the day planning what to wear, deciding on a short romper that had loose sides so you could see my bra. I go to the bar to meet him there with a few co-workers and he is shocked how many of the bar know me. The tension is palpable, I slowly and seductively sip my cocktail through my straw. His hand grabs my thigh as I am sat on a bar stool and he is stood and positions himself so he is stood between my legs and somehow without me noticing gets an ice cube and rubs it up my thigh. Needless to say he enjoys me reaction, decides enough is enough and we leave to get the subway home. We are all over each other before we make it through the door. 

We get to his room and he slips me out of my playsuit and admires the matching black silk underwear before pulling his shirt off, pushing me down on the bed, one leg over each shoulder and pulls his belt off, undoes his jeans and somehow flips me over and begins spanking me, he takes off all my underwear and his and he is already rock hard and huge. he begins kissing me passionately all down my body, almost making me cum at every erogenous zone, before starting to kiss between my thighs. My hands aggressively pulling his hair and moving his head he takes his hands and pins mine to my sides but from under my legs so I can't move, he spends forever working me up to an orgasm then stopping and starting again. Until finally he lets me cum, before letting go of my arms coming up to kiss me and sliding inside, again causing orgasm. Our bodies seem to fit together perfectly. I ask if I can get on top and he agrees flipping me up and over, I ride him and his hands are all over my chest until he settles one hand round my throat the other holding my back. I orgasm again and he is getting close and picks me up throws me down and flips me pulling my hair as he slams hard into me from behind. Other hand around my throat, my voice is becoming hoarse now and I'm so sensitive we orgasm at the same time and fall into a breathless heap, he pulls me close to lay on him and softly kisses my forehead. We fall asleep like this and awaken spooning his arms over me protectively.

If only I knew what was really going on....

The musician aka Mr Angst *possible trigger warning*

I think it's ironic me calling someone emotionally unstable but I really hit the nail on the head this time. We met on one dating site or another and had clicked quickly. We quickly ended up in a routine in which I would go to his place after he finished work and pick up alcohol and food and make my way out into the 'burbs (about a 30ish min train ride). We'll call him Mr Angst.

We'd drink and he'd get emotional about his ex girlfriend and then take it out on me sexually. A few times he got so drunk he passed out in his bathroom and I left him there and slept in his bed. It was hard to get him to do anything I wanted to do in the city unless it involved drinking and even that was rare. So me being naive and a thirsty bitch (because he was great in bed) I let this go on from March until May. I assumed we were dating as we were exclusive and spent most nights together.

All of a sudden he starts getting weird with me, he wants me to come over still but there is no sex. I begin to suspect there is someone else and he doesn't have the balls to tell me there was someone else, a common theme in my life sadly. Anyway we decided that we were gonna spend some time apart and that we would just text and the such after a rough night out where he had screamed at me.

His friend and I had decided to go dance the night away at a certain club known locally as 'the fuck hut' as he isn't happy with the way he was treating me and the fact I had to call
him at 4 in the morning one time to talk Mr Angst down because he threw a hissy fit of epic proportions because I'd scored us free Alkaline Trio tickets and they played a song that reminded him of his ex...

I digress, so at The Fuck Hut the drinks are flowing, we're getting our buzz on and dancing and I stop dead. Who shows up but Mr Angst, Non-Binary (the person I suspected he was screwing around with and another female friend I sort of got on with, he walks over and gets pissy I was there with HIS friend and he was blackout drunk I asked if I could come back with them all and talk it over as the middle of Philadelphia isn't really ideal. The least drunk of us drove back and he laid in the back with me head on my lap. We get back to his place and me and him go into his room and he begins SCREAMING at me, and throwing stuff. He goes off in a huff to smoke and leaves me on his bed in tears with no idea what I had done, and Non-Binary comes into talk to me as is so condescending I had to hold it together as I was going to hit them, I asked if they were fucking and they said no and never would (huge lie) and I start to get irate as she gave me a bump of (my own I'd left there for me and Mr Angst) cocaine... and I lost it, I went to the kitchen pulled out a HUGE sharp knife and asked Mr Angst if he wanted to see how much he had hurt me, while everyone else freaked out and tried to get me to calm down. 

He said I was worthless and he didn't care and before the words left his mouth i had slashed deeply into my thigh and he screamed at me to get out, at 5 in the morning to wait 2 hours for the train home or a $45 cab ride when I only had a $20 on me and no bank card as I never took it out, his friend I originally went out with walked me to the train station a block away and left me. I was bleeding profusely and became short of breath with a rapid heartbeat and remembered there was a fire-station just behind the train station so I wobbled my way there knocked on the side door and passed out.

I was awoken by a fireman asking my name and being shocked I was English he was dressing my leg and told me he called an ambulance as my pulse was racing and I was still struggling to breathe. I was loaded in and went to a small local hospital where I was the only emergency room patient. The whole time I was calling Mr Angst and everyone to no avail, I left messages and I finally received a reply saying, " we know, we saw from the apartment". I was dressed up and slept a few hours after I was sedated to slow my breathing and put in a cab, I asked him to take my to the rail station as I only had $20 on me and I wasn't really sure where I was and my phone was dead, the taxi driver insisted on driving me ALL the way home, the fare was $65 and he wouldn't accept the $20 I wanted to give him, instead asking me to donate it to a church and I did. I donated it to the shrine of Saint Rita while asking for thanks for that taxi driver who showed kindness is still alive.

A week later Mr Angst texts me, saying am I going over.... I did.

The First, The Alpha and Omega NSFW

Everyone remembers their first; mine was stereotypically perfect. I was gifted with looking older than I was, at 16 I looked 19. Now I'm almost 30 and still look 19. I began clubbing underage every Wednesday and Friday and built a large friendship group. One stood out in particular; spiky hair, tattooed and pierced. A teenage girls dream. Our club had an internet forum we could all communicate on, I went under the handle 'Blacklilly' goth as fuck I know. He was 'Omega'. He was more my 'Alpha', he always looked after me, always took care of me and we'd talk a lot on the forums via private message. 

The conversation turned sexual and he basically said "if you come over I will fuck you and then I don't know what will happen, I don't want to upset or hurt you". We arranged to meet one Thursday after I finished college and him work. I remember exactly what I was wearing, turquoise baggy cords, and a mesh midriff top and my best underwear, he showed in a shirt and Mr Men tie. We got a cab to his place and went to his room which was in the basement, we put on music and began talking. He knew he was going to be my first and he wanted it to be perfect and to make sure I was ready, which I was.

We started kissing and he was kissing my neck and I was so so aroused,( I'd fooled around before so I knew what I was doing I'd just never actually had sex) he took off my shirt and began kissing me all over, he made me feel like a Goddess. No-one has ever made me feel like that, 'Pretty hate machine' was on, it was perfect. Erotic, sensual and passionate. He consumed me. 

The way he touched me made my skin tingle so much it was electric, there was so much hunger, we craved each other. He held my hand as he ate me out and I had to muffle my moans as I orgasmed for the first time from oral. Our breathing heavy, music low, lights on, kissing each other and staring into each other eyes. He saw me bare and truly naked through my eyes. Then he entered me, all the time holding my hand. He fucked me, he fucked me hard. I came so much. It felt amazing, perfect. He loved my body and made me feel special.

After we had made love a few more times, spent; we laid on the bed naked and talked about music, our tastes were identical. If I am honest I think I loved him even though I knew it wasn't reciprocated. He made me feel like the only girl in the world and he made it perfect. 

Strangely after we died his hair pink. He joked I was his 'padawan' and he'd taught me everything I knew which was true, years later we are still in touch and padawan is most curious what her master is like now. If he can still make her feel like that...

You may have been omega but for that evening you were my alpha and I truly thank you for making such a special occasion so memorable and perfect. Padawan has learnt well thanks to you.

The Lion, the Bitch and the Wardrobe

Hull, 2008ish? It was a Thursday in the student union, a Thursday like any other. Or so I thought...

Karaoke was a big thing back in the day, any excuse to drink really in the union aptly named 'Sanctuary' as it's where most of us took sanctuary from lectures and they served alcohol from 11am. I digress, I back in the day was not only a member of but Queen/Iron Lady/Democratically voted Leader of the Hull University Alternative and Goth society, or H.A.G's for short, yes I was a hag. 

So Thursday's all us HAGs descended upon the Sanctuary for an evening of drinking and screeching 'Metallica' songs. I arrived early to the union after finishing a late lab session and needed a drink and bumped into the guy who ran the karaoke who we shall call 'The Lion'. We had similar personalities which often meant we clashed, we both were sarcastic but I was certainly charmed by his 6"5ish stature and blue eyes. He was a suave cocky ass but I was intrigued. Part of our clashing was because I had won the vote against him to become leader of our beloved goth society.

He asked if I wouldn't mind helping out setting up as the other guy had not yet arrived and he didn't want to be late and I agreed. We went into the other closed bar (Johnny Mac R.I.P) into the cupboard where all the karaoke equipment was kept and it was weirdly empty, I turned toward The Lion who towered over me and he looked at me and just said "you think I can't manage carrying a couple of folders and a laptop?!" pushed me up against the wall and passionately kissed me, while groping my chest and pushing his leg between mine. It took me back, we were famous adversaries. He said "You always were and always will be my Queen."

I was shocked and pushed him off and quickly picked up the folder and headed back into the main bar. No-one knew of our little trip to Narnia as we referred to it. The whole night after he kept winking at me he knew he had got to me. I had to admit I was curious at what was hidden in this Lions lair.

Years later, he still says I'm his Queen. Perhaps he's my King and I'm too stubborn to know it?

#TB- The room-mate incident NSFW

This is a throwback to 2006 ish when I visited Hull a lot whilst in college. 

I split up with my boyfriend when he went off to university but still visited him as we had a fuck buddy type arrangement so I often visited him. I made my own friends there and began to visit them instead of him. One night a group of us went to the local club 'Arachnids', whilst there a got chatting to someone who came out with us that I hadn't met before, he was as obsessed with Nine inch Nails as I was and we chatted for ages, had a few drinks and danced. We kissed as 'Closer' came on. The ultimate teenage goth fantasy. The night draws to a close and I have to leave to stay with my friend but he gives me his number and says he would like to see me Sunday before I leave to go back to Leeds.

I spend the night chatting with my friend debating going over, as I was young (I was only 17 at this point) I was relatively sexually inexperienced and nervous as he was 19 and I was terrified I would be terrible. Anyway Sunday rolls round and I head over at lunchtime. We head to his room and he has this playlist on in the background which sets the mood, we begin to make out and have some pretty aggressive sex in which I actually envision myself as some BDSM Goddess. I'll never forget that Deftones 'Change (in the house of flies)' was playing as we fucked, it was perfect. Like some film. We end up having sex three times and I decide I want to go down on him. He is really hesitant for some reason and tells me that blowjobs are too intense for him. I finally talk him round and he enjoys himself as his eyes roll back in his head and I feel fucking amazing, like a total sex kitten. He tells me that was the best head he had ever had which I am pretty sure was a lie, but I took it anyway. We smoke a joint and cuddle up before I have to leave.

He walks me to the train station and tells me he will message me etc. We speak all week and I tell him I am returning to Hull the following weekend which we end up spending together and I think that this is turning into something. I leave and when I get home I have an MSN message from him saying he doesn't want me as girlfriend. I am devastated, I feel totally used and I'm upset. My friends console me and tell me we'll have a fun weekend without him.

The next weekend I return to Hull and we go to a pub and one of the guys who has come out turns out to be someone from the same village as me that I had a crush on since I was about 14, we had previously had a cheeky snog whilst I was out clubbing when I was 15 and he 16. He had grown into my goth fantasy. He wore eyeliner and smelt like Nag Champa. We spent the whole night chatting and dancing and kissing. I ask my friend if it's ok if he comes back with us and he agrees. Me and Goth Fantasy Boy are sleeping on the sofa so we have to cuddle up super close, his arms are around me and he is kissing my neck and ears and I am super turned on. I turn to face him and more kissing ensues, we are awake the whole night just holding each other. He suggests we go to his place where we can actually lie in a bed and I agree.

When we arrive at the house as the sun comes up and everything is still fuzzy to me but it looks familiar. (All student digs in Hull looked the same and were laid out pretty much the same as they were all Victorian terraces) His bedroom is right by the door so I don't see any of the house. We have some pretty sensual goth sex listening to 'The Cure' and 'The Sisters of Mercy' this trumped my previous goth fantasy to kissing to 'Closer' we fucked to it. I spend the night and we do not move from his bed, holding each other and smoking a lot of weed. He told me from the get go that a relationship would not be on the cards which I appreciated. As we leave his room to get a drink I realise I have been here before, and low and behold Nine inch Nails boy is in the fucking kitchen. I am bright red and he freaks out at Goth Fantasy Boy.

The atmosphere is electric, Nine inch Nails boy thinks Goth Fantasy boy has done this on purpose. While those two argue I sit down and their other room mate chats to me, he is sweet with really long blonde hair and blue eyes. He thinks it's funny as it turns out Nine Inch Nails boy had stolen Goth Fantasy boy's girlfriend a while back and I had inadvertently gotten involved in some war. Blondie is really lovely and I begin to wish I had met him instead. 

Finally the boys sort it out and call a truce when Goth Fantasy explains we knew each other from home. I leave and feel pretty smug I had boys fighting over me. About a week later I get an email from Blondie asking me if I would like to go on a date. I am convinced this is some sort of joke and tell him so, I am not being used again. 

To cut a long story short me and Blondie ended up dating for about 2 years much to the chagrin of Nine Inch Nails boy and Goth Fantasy boy (who finally ended up becoming a close friend and finding the whole thing funny). So that is the story of how I slept with three room mates accidentally. There were 7 guys in the house and became a running joke I was working my way round them all. Blondie was my first serious boyfriend and came to my Mothers wedding with me. I often think of him. 

50 shades (of fucked up) part 2- NSFW

So after waiting for 50 shades to call we keep having conflicting schedules but he tells me when he is working so I can go and see him. I had previously arranged a dinner date with an underwear mode (yes for real) he worked at the bar I hung out at and suggested we go to a trendy restaurant, I knew nothing would come of it but I just wanted to be seen with him. I spent the day stressing out on what to wear as I realised after doing a quick google that this place we were going for dinner was fancy AF. I settled on a navy blue dress with a mesh panel under the bust and a dipped hem, and black stiletto's. Even I admitted I looked good. Underwear model has to leave as he has shoot an advert in NYC in the morning, who would have thought I would be hanging out with models.

I sit and the bar and he finishes his shift and comes over with a drink, he comments that he is wearing the grey tie again and I blush crimson. His hand is placed firmly on my thigh the entire time. We move over to a table and are joined by a few of his co-workers and his hand stays put, we flirt more and he takes his tie off and places it round my neck with a salacious look in his eyes. I sense he wants to choke me with it as I had subtly hinted I liked it, he noted how small my neck was and how big his hands were. We all have a few drinks and the conversation turns sexual, the other guys sitting with us are gay and are fascinated by the BDSM scenarios 50 shades is describing, he says he can pick a woman up over his head and really throw her around and without notice picks me up in both arms with ease. I squeal in shock at how strong he is and secretly want him to bend me over his knee. He must be fucking psychic because he holds my neck with the tie and bends me over his thick muscular thigh and spanks me incredibly hard. The noise that comes out of my mouth gives away I thoroughly enjoyed it and he pulls me up by the neck and kisses me passionately.

I am in a haze at what just happened and how brazen he was but I loved it. Finally a proper Dom, I knew I wasn't getting out of this without bruises. We chat a little longer until time is called and he suggests we leave before other people notice and want to come party, he says he wants me all to himself. We arrive at his place and he picks me up and walks me through his living room and throws me onto his bed, pinning me under his weight and begins to passionately kiss me while holding me by the tie around my throat. Without warning he flips me over pulls up my dress (thank God I had sexy underwear on; black lace french knickers which matched my bra for those interested) and begins reining down heavy blows to my ass.

I am shaking from the stinging slaps and my ass is red raw but I am loving it, he pulls my dress off and admires me. Being tipsy I am feeling super confident and seductive. He takes off his shirt and I am shocked at how big his is, not only muscular and broad but he seems taller. He tells me to get down on my knees and I obey I know what is going to happen and am glad my lipstick is a liquid matte and won't budge, to quote Willam "You can suck dick in a hurricane and it won't budge!". He pulls out his cock and like the rest of him it's enormous, I can't get my hand around it and this pleases him.

I playfully lick the tip and he lets out a soft moan, I don't think he will last long if I tease him. I could fit less than half in my mouth and was gagging a lot, I knew this turned him on as I felt him get even harder. Again he picks me up and kisses me then throws me onto the bed once more and in one swift move removes my underwear and then swiftly my bra follows. The tie stays. He begins to kiss my neck and I am moaning and beginning to writhe, I am hungry for him. He knows this and intends to prolong the torture. His hands wander and he feels my wetness before having me suck his fingers. He is rough and unforgiving with his hands and I can feel myself being to orgasm, he stops leaving my breathless. He moves between my legs and begins kissing my inner thighs, still with one hand around the tie. I can feel his breath on me and he is teasing me by getting close then kissing my thigh instead, he then begins to softly lick around my clit and this pushes me over the edge, when he slips a finger in I orgasm violently. He laughs and tells me I'm a good girl, and I grin.

As quick as a flash he flips me onto my stomach and pins me again. Spreading my legs with his knee, he pulls sharply on the tie causing me to gasp but also causes me to arch my back. He slides inside me and it is heavenly. He is intense and primal occasionally slapping my ass and pulling the tie. He begins to thrust harder and I orgasm again which in turn causes him to. Once again he slaps my ass and remarks that Brits are freaky in the sack, which I take as a compliment. We cuddle for a moment and he kisses my head softly. I tell him I am leaving Philly for the UK in a week and I would like to see him again, he promises to take me to dinner. He asks if I want to stay over and I decline and he drives me home. He kisses me passionately before I get out of the car. Once inside I text him thanking him for a good time. He replies the same and that we will see each other soon. I message Sassy NYC the details and she is shocked but supportive. I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

I wake the next day to a bruised ass, and a hickie on my neck which I am not too happy about. I go meet The Bear for a drink and to fill him in on the details. We go to 50 shades bar but he is not working I text him and he says he will come out later on to see me. We order drinks and chat to my friend tending the bar. He notices the hickie and makes a comment and I tell him what happened and the blood drains from his face. I instantly know something is wrong, he tells me 50 shades has a girlfriend who he lives with. I am floored, his room had nothing feminine in it which would hint to a female presence. But there is more, not only did he have a live in girlfriend but was also fucking the male bar tender I was talking too, we are both incredibly pissed off and I have to take a shot to calm my nerves.

I text 50 shades and said I knew about his girlfriend and that he could have told me, he replies they are on a break which is immediately challenged with the bar tender, he informs me she is visiting family overseas but that she also worked in the bar they did. He was all over me in front of his co-workers who all knew and I didn't, I was devastated. I felt terrible for her and annoyed at him and he had the cheek to reply I had ruined his day by reminding him. I deleted his number and began flirting with the other bartender who had stunning blue eyes.

Me and blue eyes shared a kiss over a few drinks and eventually found the whole thing funny. I finally get sex and the guy is a total douche canoe. I mean really, it could only happen to me. I wonder if his girlfriend ever found out? I hope she bears me no ill will as I really had no idea and no-one told me.

C'est la vie. Life goes on, and so does my search. What comes next?

#TBT Clever Girl- NSFW

If you know me personally you are probably aware of my love for 'Jurassic Park'. There is a story involved with this while I have only told a select few people. But fuck it, it's funny and I'm sure it will give some of you a giggle.

This guy was my teenage boyfriend, and did his fair share of drugs. He always wore Lynx Africa so we shall refer to him as lynx. We often smoked and listened to Rammstien and fucked for hours. He was amazing at foreplay and knew exactly how to push my buttons and made me cum so much, I think being high in a dark room heightened my senses. 

One night he suggest we try acid. I had experimented with drugs in my teens and smoked a fair bit of weed but I had never tried LSD so I was a little apprehensive. He assured me it would be fine as he had done it before and promised to look after me. I agreed and we put the tiny squares of paper on our tongues and I prepared to lose myself. I was terrified this would end up like 'Trainspotting' and something terrible would happen. As I started to trip everything felt amazing, my nerve endings were on fire and the slightest touch sent shivers up my spine.

I began to get a little edgy that it was dark and he put the TV on in the background on for some white noise. Jurassic Park was on but I was too spaced to notice. We began to fumble around and he went down on me for what seemed hours I was in heaven, I felt amazing. Everything felt electric. We begin to fuck and it's primal. Aggressive and passionate the same time. We are hungry for each other. I feel an orgasm coming on strong and I seemed to be on edge for ages, he sensed this and kept me that way. This went on for around ten minutes, we were clawing at each other and enveloped in each other. 

The part with the raptors comes on the TV and just as the line 'Clever girl' is spoken I cum. Hard, I'm shaking an have no control over my body. It's amazing, I have never felt like that before, he kisses my forehead and we curl up and sleep.

A few months later we are watching 'Jurassic Park' again and as the raptors appear I weirdly begin to tingle and I can feel myself getting turned on, I'm thinking to myself "what the fuck is going on here?!) and then it happens. The words leave his mouth and somehow orgasm. Lynx is a little confused as I'm suddenly a whimpering ball next to him. 

So yeah, the phrase 'Clever girl' had subliminally made me orgasm. I forgot about it and never heard it again. Years later my room mate randomly said it to me joking and I shivered and whimpered. She was perplexed and I was bright red. I explained the story and she laughed about it for days. She would sneak up behind me and whisper it just to watch my knees go weak. I told someone I was dating as he asked for a funny story about myself and he whispered it to me while we were fucking, it pushed me over the edge.

I have managed to de-sensitize myself to it a little but it still makes me shudder.

The best date ever

In all the failed dates I had one sticks in my mind, it was like something from a dream. I had matched with this punk looking guy on Tinder and we had been speaking for a few weeks and one evening I was out with 'the Bear' watching RuPauls Drag Race at our local haunt and he messages me saying he gets off work at 10 and why don't I come over and we'd go to the park, get a picnic and sit and watch the stars and he would drive me home after all the way to South Philly from the burbs.

This sounded like something from a shitty rom-com and I thought it a ploy to get into my pants and after weeks of frustrating I was most certainly DTF, the date would be a bonus. It turned out he lived a fair distance out of the city but lived on the regional rail line, an adventure for me as it would be the first time I had gotten a train. After a few words of encouragement from 'The Bear' and the boys at the bar I headed off to the station. I was terrified I'd get on the wrong train and asked the conductor when I boarded the train. He was a sassy AF, animated black guy and we got on swimmingly (we ended up becoming really good friends and chatted everytime I got the train) I told him about the date and he told me I'd be fine and he wanted to know how it went. He nicknamed me 'Pearl' because of my micro dermals and mermaid hair. This made me smile and gave me the encouragement I needed.

I got off the train and took in my surroundings, "so this is the burbs" I thought to myself. An imposing gothic church loomed next to the overhead train line. I stood and waited at the station entrance as instructed, he text to say he was gonna be a few mins as he was late out of work but that he was on his way. I replied with "I'll be the dorky looking one dressed in black with green hair and glasses". I spot him in the distance and he is cute as hell, way nicer looking than his profile pictures. He asks if I am hungry and reply that I had eaten earlier and he says we can go straight to the park which is a two minute walk from the station. As it's around 10:40pm the park is empty so we sit on the swings, the view is lovely. The church sits at the end of the park and we overlook the train line and highway and a forested area beyond. 

We chat for what seems years, we have so much in common and is interested in me. The stars are shining and it's a beautiful warm night. The atmosphere is perfect, major kudos for this. He says he needs the bathroom and he lives on the street opposite the park so would I mind if we popped in, I agree as I also need the bathroom and secretly hope this is a way to get me inside so we can get it on as I am major into this punky suitor. His place is almost industrial looking, the ceiling is like that of an office block. Panelled and uniform, not very romantic. He lets me use the bathroom first and when I return we sit on his couch and chat some more, then he gets his guitar out and begins to sing to me; Concrete Blondes 'Joey'. I appreciate the name reference, and my loins stir. Who doesn't want to be sang too?! I say it's getting late as it's now 3:00am and he says he will drive me home which I appreciate. I am a little disappointed nothing happened, he does say he wants to see me again and we arrange a date for 2 days time.

When I'm laid in bed he texts saying he looked forward to seeing me again and that he was sorry he didn't make a move as he was shy, but did want to. I fall asleep hoping maybe this would be something...

So Tinder isn't all bad, there will be more on this guy when I chronicle the next date. Did I finally get sex? I am not writing these in any order just as I remember them and I enjoy leaving you all hanging.

50 Shades (of fucked up) Part 1

I had given up the idea of dating after my recent fails. One rainy spring eve I had frequented my favourite haunt with my friend The Bear (TB). The bar was quiet but we became merry and I didn't want the party to end. TB ended up leaving as he had work early the next morning and left me knowing I was in safe hands. There was only myself and another couple at the bar who I ended up chatting to, a sassy New Yorker and her friend visiting for a few days. 

Some time passes and me and Sassy NYC decide to head onto a club after her friend goes back to the hotel as it has a roof deck and free flowing booze. It's quiet but there are enough people to make it fun. We had a drink downstairs in the bar where I had a crush on one of the bar tenders and was hoping he was working as he always flirted and I figured I would try my luck. Plus Sassy NYC had become my wing-woman and was keen to set me up with someone. Alas he wasn't there but there was a bar tender I had not seen before. He was tall, dark haired and built. Oh my, he was delicious. (One thing I should mention; American bar tenders will flirt with you no matter their sexuality. Getting tipped is how they pay their bills.) This tall bar stud walks over and serves us and buys our drinks, not bad as far as flirting goes. He says he is finishing his shift in twenty minutes and would we like to carry on drinking with him upstairs. We agree and head up to the roof deck to get comfy, Sassy NYC screaming at me that "Giiiiirl, you better hit that!" and boy, I planned too.

After a shot or two for dutch courage and a girly pep talk and checking I was suitable to be seen naked as I had not planned on anyone seeing me that night. I was wearing short black denim shorts and a sheer top which showed my bra and kicks, hardly sexy. Then he walks in, his arms rippling like some gym going God. He walks over and kisses us both on the cheek in greeting. We get more drinks and by this point I am more than merry and 'Slutty Joey' makes an appearance.

This is the drunk part of my brain where my confidence is sky high and what comes out of my mouth is less than lady-like. She is a headstrong sex Goddess and no-one is safe. I wish I were more like her sober to be honest. Aaaaaannnyway. Bar guys hand seems to be placed on my thigh as a sign of ownership to anyone who could view, after a conversation of eye gestures and under the table text messages to Sassy NYC she assures me I am not imagining it and he is clearly not gay and to "God damn go for it already!". So I did.

I turn to him and flutter my eyelashes, bite my lip and look away (a tactic I use to make them ask what I am thinking) and he cocks his head and the look on his face instantly changes. "Do that again and I will bite it off" he quips. NOT what I was expecting, he was better at this than I was... I then realise this is a quote from 50 shades. I reply "You are hardly my Mr Grey" with a coy smile. This is where it becomes blurry but somehow he has taken his tie off (ironically a fucking grey one) and expertly tied my arms behind my back and got me down on my knees looking up at him, this turns me on. Knowing that everyone in the bar was looking at this. Sassy NYC is in hysterics. He pulls me up from my keeling position and picks me up, I am surprised by his strength. I may only be 5"0 but I'm not exactly stick thin. He whispers in my ear "I would throw you over my knee if all these people weren't fucking here". Floodgates opened. Holy fuck. 

Sassy NYC leaves and demands to be kept upto date with every detail. I promise I will and she heads off. The world around me seems to have stopped and it's just me and 50 shades. The sexual tension is palpable, you can feel a static in the air between us. I felt like a Goddess, that this God of a man wanted me, and wasn't afraid to show it in public. The bar closes and he asks if I want to head back with him and a few others for drinks etc. I agree. His car is not that of a bar tender. Cocaine is passed round the car and I begin to fly, the balmy air, the alcohol and the butterflies in my stomach; I felt invincible.

We arrive at his place and more drugs are passed round. We all chat about everything, the guys are all genuinely friendly and nice, I had met most of them from drinking in the bars alone, I felt safe. One of the guys had to leave and asked me if I wanted a ride back to which 50 shades immediately jumped in he would take us all back. I lived in South Philly and we were somewhere North, I didn't mind getting the subway back as it was far. We got into his car and as everyone else departed in was just me and him, his hands began to wander while he was driving and I was most certainly not stopping him. We arrived at my place, he gave me a quick kiss and asked for my number as he wanted to see me. 

I got into bed and my phone flashed up "Can't wait to see you again, you're trouble x" I smiled, it wasn't the first time I had been called that. We text back and forth for a bit and he said we would see each other soon...

To be continued.

The Animal

I had joined OkCupid and mostly ignored it due to the near constant barrage of messages prepositioning me for sex, most without even so much as a 'hello'.

I, drunk one night decided to browse my 'matches' after receiving an email notification someone had 'liked' me. No-one peaked my interest until I came across this hipster lumberjack looking chap. This 32 year olds profile was the most awful self righteous crap I had ever read. We're talking "My dream is to move to Guatemala and own an organic avocado farm" type bullshit. But he was beautiful, chiselled cheekbones that could cut glass. A classic stylish hair cut and a well groomed beard.

I messaged him not expecting a reply and almost instantly he replies. No instant preposition for sex but a polite introduction with his name and complimenting my unique style (apparently Philly has never seen green hair on a woman before and I became quite the style sensation, move over Anna Wintour!) Anyway I digress. We chat through the messaging app for a few hours and decide to swap numbers. He texts frequently, always interested in my day and as this progressed over the week the conversation turned sexual. 

He was dominant and looking for a submissive brat to have a relationship with, which fit me perfectly. Sexting happens and he is wonderfully articulate and this stirs my loins. After my Tinder date I had to admit I was becoming horny AF and wanting release that the usual self servicing methods could not provide. Shock horror, women get horny and want sex too, outrageous I know! Nudes are swapped and he says he is busy with work and out of state for a few days but wants to see me when he returns.

11pm one night I receive a text, "Hey babe, I got back early. Wanna come over and smoke?" It turns out he lived in North East Philly which would have been a $30 cab ride. I was hesitant but he said he was close to the El (elevated subway line that runs east-west in the city) This I was not so keen on as the El is a little sketchy at night and I would have to rush to get the last one and switch subway lines which I had not yet done. I end up thinking "Fuck it, you only live once" and I agree and set off, he tells me which stop to get off at and it turns out he lives super close to one of my favourite bars.

He shows up and has clearly lied about his height. I am 5"0 and this guy was maybe an inch taller than me. Good job I hadn't worn heels. This didn't bother me though, we arrive at his place and it is a really nice house. Now I should point out he said he worked as an animal trainer for a living and had many exotic animals around the house as well as two overweight blind cats. Not gonna lie, the cats did kinda swing me going over. 

I figure his job would turn out to be a fabricated lie to seem more interesting and he secretly worked in IT or banking or some other generic profession. Oh boy I was wrong. His house is full of fur and feathered friends. I was greeted with a stunning blue macaw which literally greeted me with a squawk "Hello". Impressive. He tells me he loves British comedy and satire and asks if I can recommend something to watch. We settle on the drugs episode of 'Brasseye' which I feel is ironic as we were going to smoke weed.

We smoke a couple and cuddle up and he seems impressed with my choice of televisual entertainment. His hands wander and I admit it is little awkward with Chris Morris in the background and being a little high. We get the giggles and stop to smoke a little more and the episode finishes and he wants to show me his menagerie (not a euphemism) so off we go to see his weird and wonderful zoo. There are sugar gliders, parrots, rats, it's some sort of mammalian refuge. I ask what his job actually entails as he seems to have a lot of rare and not typically pet type animals and he says he goes round schools educating the kids on them. I was more impressed I got to sit and play with a raccoon if I am honest. 

Back downstairs and he wants to smoke more, I decline as I am pretty high and didn't want to feel nauseous but we cuddle up again while he smokes and I play with the two overweight and overly affectionate kitties. I notice he hasn't moved his hands for a while and has been pretty quiet, me being so engrossed in the cats I had ceased to notice he had passed the fuck out. I was stuck in this guys house while he regained himself, he had smoked way more than I thought. I found myself being annoyed that once again I had failed at getting any kind of sexual gratification. He awoke about an hour later and offered to drive me home which I declined but instead he paid for my cab home. 

When I got back I was beginning to think I was cursed, this guy had talked a big game. I did find it funny though, the irony of him making out to be this ravenous dominant Daddy and he ended up pulling up the most Dad move and passing out. That ladies and gentlemen (and non binary folk) was my experience of 'The Animal'.

I shit you not I have many more anecdotes to share with you, please if you like reading give me feedback and share with folk who might appreciate a giggle at my expense! Up next is "50 shades (of fucked up)...

The Tinder date

Ah, Tinder. I don't know why I used it. I wanted to meet new people my own age I guess. I loved LL (landlord) and going drinking with him in the gaybourhood. Philly's gay district. I met some amazing people and this is where I got into most of my adventures. 

I matched with 'NJB' (nice Jewish boy) a 24 year old Temple U grad and we began chatting. he was cute, blonde and athletic. We had a lot in common but we were mostly interested in each others cultures. He had never dated a Brit and I had never dated an American.

We arranged to meet on Broad and Walnut and go get a drink somewhere, I was nervous as hell. I had only been in Philly a few months but I spent a lot of my time wandering around getting to know the city so there were a few bars I had wanted to go to.

I spot him and he walks over to me introduces himself and kisses me on the cheek. He comments I look exactly like my profile photo unlike other girls he had met.

We decide to go to the aptly named 'Misconduct tavern' and get a cocktail, he pays. We get on really well. He seems interested in me and what I have to say and we shared a common love for video games. We drink up and he suggests getting food and going to his to watch a movie or play some games. I am hesitant although I prepared myself for an amorous encounter when getting ready. He lives not far away and I agree. We stop off at a gourmet pizza truck and grab a bite. 

We eat and head to his room and make out a bit. He cannot keep his hands of me and it is nice to feel so desired. Cut to the chase. We end up naked and fumbling around. He leans in and whispers "want to see my gun?" I am a little phased by this unsure if he means his dick or not. He does not. He gets up (completely naked) and walks over to this closet and pulls out a fucking Smith & Wesson hand gun. A fucking gun! A real life, capable of murder weapon of death. My expression is clear and he asks if I have ever held one before and I reply that the UK is a sensible country and we don't just let anyone have a gun...

He seems shocked by this and places it in my hands. It's cold and a lot heavier than I expect it. He then tells me to be careful as it's loaded (?!?) I am shocked but also super intrigued. We go into his back yard (he is still naked) and asks if I want to fire it, I do. I get this rush of adrenaline and also weirdly turned on. We head back upstairs and I am presented with one of the most aesthetically pleasing penises of my life. I end up blowing him and we fumble around a little more. it's getting late and I don't want to stay over but how do you leave someone who has a gun?! I mean I was a little scared I'd end up in some crazy hostage situation. Stranger things have happened...

In the end he turns out to be a perfect gentleman, walking me to the subway and even offering to pay. He even text when I got in to say he had enjoyed my company and wished to see me again. I was a little apprehensive but for my first foray into the American dating pool it was certainly a memorable one.

So that is the story of NJB (nice Jewish boy) and his gun.

A beginning

Lets start this where all stories begin; the beginning. It's August 30th 2014. I am (unhappily) married. That's not what this is about. it's about the man I met that changed it all. 

A normal night out I thought, nothing new here. Had a dance and a few drinks with friends. Then I saw him; I don't know why I was so drawn to him. It was like a bullet to the brain (in the long run this would have been way kinder) CS (common sense; what I have dubbed my best friend) notices me staring wide eyed and almost drooling at him. I am transfixed. All rationale and sense leaves me as I walk over to him as he chats with a mutual friend (my in to the conversation) I introduce myself and he looks me up and down. I smile that smile (the I want you smile)...

I should mention at this point I had previously worked as a professional domme. I made men feel weak and pathetic and relished in my control over them. This became irrelevant when I spoke to him, I felt I had no control of him. I kept up the bravado and he joked he would 'break the domme'. How right he was.

...Back to the story. We chat and he offers to buy me a drink, we drink the same thing. Vodka lemonade. The chemistry between is palpable. We dance, Billy Idol 'Rebel Yell' comes on. The line 'she cries more, more, more' causes him to grin this salacious, predatory grin. We conversed more and I told him I was married etc. "It's ok" he replies. "So am I, though I am separated. She lives in Philadelphia with my kids"... I was shocked at this revelation. I wanted him for myself. I wanted to devour everything about him. In my eyes and in my drunken haze he was perfect.

The night begins to close down and invited to an after party he says he will meet me there as he is going to pick up some weed. I don't like this idea of him leaving as I think he won't show and I didn't want to leave his side. Somehow I end up going with him. To this dingy place where he sometimes sleeps to escape his mother and people in general. I had drank a LOT by this point and needed to be sick. By God I was, congealed Jagermeister flowed from my mouth like the fires of hell but clarity came back to me and I began to panic. "Where the fuck am I and what am I doing with this man?!" I screamed to myself. But as he gave me water and rubbed my back all that original feeling came flooding back. I ate some gum and sheepishly apologised. We smoked a couple of joints and he said he we weren't going back to this party, he was going to look after me. I said "Okay."

We arrive at his place in an affluent area of Sheffield. He lives with his mother who is away for work. He runs me a bath with candles and I begin to wonder if he was gay. No man had ever done this for me and it seemed a bit much just to get me into bed. I bathed and returned to his room and we chatted and smoked more. I told him nothing would happen until I was sure I could be completely responsible for my actions. He puts on an album by 'The Knife' and Iament it reminds me of my uni days. Our eyes meet and we kiss. All sense of guilt I expect to feel never materialises only pure lust. It was some of the most passionate sex I ever had. 

The next morning I had to go home but he promised he would call and wanted to see me again. I prayed he would but wished in hindsight he never did. This carries on illicitly for a month or so before I tell my husband and we split. Husband moves out and he moves in. He asks me to come with him to Philly in October. I think it's too rash but don't want him to go without me as I know i'd never see him again, and that scared me. I had fallen irrevocably in love. He agrees to stay until December to test the relationship and give me time to sort out my affairs (hah) before moving to another continent to start a new life.

We book tickets for the 10th December 2014 To New York JFK with a hotel overnight and a bus to Philly the following day; where he would go see his kids and we would go meet a potential landlord I had spoken to on Craigslist. I was nervous as hell having nowhere to live before heading out but I had faith he would look after me.

We get to Philly and I sense a change in him almost immediately. He wasn't carefree anymore and began to drink heavily. We ended up moving in with the guy from Craigslist and his nine cats. We clicked instantly. I could tell he didn't approve of Jonny but he loved me and since I would be around more took a chance on me. 

Everything was perfect until around the end of January when he drops the 'I need space' bomb. I panicked. New country where I didn't know many people... I prayed he was just adjusting to having a girlfriend and looking after his kids and was stressed. He stopped staying over and the sex stopped. One day he just never came home. He vanished. He became 'DC (dream crusher).

My mother when she was alive often imparted useless wisdom. I decided to take her philosophy of 'The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else' that is what I did and this is what will follow in future posts. Names and places will be changed.

DC broke my heart. I still love him. I think I always will. I miss him and wish him well, we had such a connection because we were so similar and one day I hope we can reconnect as friends. What follows is a collection of escapades from my adventures in America; the land of opportunity.